The Ethics Of Perfume

Last updated 2004-06-28 by Roedy Green ©2001-2004 Canadian Mind Products.
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Matron: "Sir, you smell."
Dr. Johnson: "No madam, you smell, I stink."

The Skinny

Wear only soft fragrances. A soft fragrance is one that magnified a million times would still smell pleasant.

My idea of hell would be to be trapped in an elevator with a woman drenched in White Shoulders perfume. Most perfumes are so harsh they feel like an ice pick being driven up my nose. Perfume is so pervasive. It snakes its way right inside me. Science tells us the sense organs in the nose are actually tendrils of the brain reaching out like a snake's tongue to sample the general environment. I wish people would be more polite with perfumes. Here are some suggested rules of etiquette.

The Etiquette

If you use perfume, you should have at least three kinds:

One to use when you are alone. You can slather it on all you like when you nose goes numb. It does not matter if, to everyone else, it smells like cat pee.
One to use when you are with your lover. Both of you should like it. It is your signature he remembers you by.
One to use when you are in public. It should be mildly pleasant to nearly everyone and highly offensive to no one. It should be subtle. It should be chosen just as carefully as the other two. I'd suggest experimenting with some of the Body Shop soft fruity scents. The Fruits And Passion Orange And Cantaloupe would be a safe bet to start with from my own experiments. I found it was the fragrance that most men commented on positively of all those I tried during massage. Put on only the tiniest dab. You are not trying to overpower everyone else in the olfactory symphony, just play one instrument. Perhaps some day perfumes will come with a seal of approval stating "elevator tested". Don't reapply perfume just because you personally can't smell it. Your nose gets used to the fragrance and quickly goes numb to it. If you think you might need to reapply, check with several other people to see if they agree you should.

Choosing

I had a conversation with a group of men about the perfumes their women used. In general they were not all that impressed. One man said that one perfume had set his knees knocking. His wife had been out in the garden pruning lilacs, and she was covered in lilac and perspiration.

In some cultures young women are taught to dab a little vaginal secretion behind the ears. I know of no culture where young men are taught the analogous trick. Nature works best.

Some years ago Dennis Lewsey left behind a blue handkerchief with white dots. My lover and I took turns sniffing it. It was utterly intoxicating. The odour was lush, soft, rich. He told us it was an oil-based fragrance, but maybe the magic was his natural body odour. I have sniffed hundred of potions sold at cosmetic counters trying to find it. Nothing comes anywhere close. Dennis is now dead, so what it was will likely always remain a Jitterbug mystery.

There is a very good chance your lover finds your natural body odours quite appealing. That is part of the unconscious reasons why he picked you. Don't go to crazy covering them up even if the ads tell you that underarms are not supposed to smell appealing without help.

Scent should be mysterious, organic, subtle, changing, not a poke in the eye. What I don't understand is why so many commercial scents smell like the test tube washings from an organic chem lab. They are way too sharp.

According to experiments, the aphrodisiac odours for men include pumpkin pie, anise (licorice), lavender and nutmeg. For me personally, it is fir needles. It blends well with body odours. Cucumber works best for women.

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